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Another day, another drama

Christmas is coming and I’m almost in the mood for the holidays – at least my brother is coming for a visit and it will take my mind off all the crap that’s going on around here right now.

Here’s the number one issue. It seems that young Derwood has been removing certain articles of ours from the house, possibly to sell them. Missing are several DVD’s, 20-30 Cuban cigars and possibly an unknown number of his dad’s CD’s – and these are items that were all accounted for since the break-in last summer. Stuff has been missing from his mother’s house too, so we’re pretty certain he’s the culprit.

He’s already grounded until 2008, his computer taken away and he’s not getting an allowance, due to another whole sordid incident involving a staple gun and a hosepipe which resulted in his being fired from his co-op job. He doesn’t seem to care about any of that, shows no remorse for the damage he caused, and if anything he’s delighted that he no longer has to go to his co-op job.

Due to the fact that he’s currently seeing a counsellor, who says we need to be showing some compassion towards him owing to his history, we have not openly confronted him about this because we’re not sure how to address it in a way that won’t be “harmful”. (Personally, I want to strangle him!) We’ve only brought it up it with him in a very round-about manner. He neither confirmed nor denied our suspicions and I’m not even sure he understands what we’re driving at. It’s quite perplexing, really. Around the house he’s cheerful and co-operative with tasks like doing the dishes and shovelling snow, and seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that he’s a constant source of concern for us – it’s like he’s living on another planet than the one where he steals our stuff and sells it, trades it, or gives it to his girlfriend.

Oh yeah, then there’s the girlfriend. She’s from town, but when he met her she was living in a group home in Grimsby. We have no idea why she was in a group home, but teenaged girls don’t usually get to live in one of those unless there’s been a problem. She’s back at home now, they are on the phone constantly. Even though he’s grounded he gets to see her every day while waiting for the bus, and I guess he sees her when he skips school also. Not sure how often that goes on but there have been various reports of skipping classes from the school. Brother, if we get one more phone call from the school this year I don’t know what else to do with him. Take way the network connector for the PlayStation, I guess.

We have an appointment to meet with his counsellor – with him – next month. That should be interesting. We’ve met with her a couple of times on our own, and he goes on his own. The fact that he was agreeing to go at all, and make his own appointments with her and keep them without being reminded, was huge. She thought he was doing great and wondered if he still needed to be coming. Then the co-op incident, and now this. Maybe at this meeting, we we can address the thefts more openly.

You could say he’s acting out because we don’t pay enough attention to him. I have to say, we pay as much attention to him as is possible. But the minute he gets home from school he’s off to his room, and stays there, so really the only time we see him is at breakfast and dinner. And the rare times when he does talk to us about anything besides video games, which is all he seems to care about (and I have no earthly idea what he’s on about.) I do try to engage with him. But the conversations, if you can call them that, are never about anything real, or important. I guess it never is, at that age. He never seems to want to do anything or go anywhere with us, so it’s hard to spend time with him. Short of sitting him down and forcing him to talk, what do you do?

Lloyd’s a great kid but not exactly an overachiever these days, jobless and moping in the basement as he is. That’s another story. I’m so jealous of parents who have these wonderful children – you know, the prodigies, the A students – who they can be friends with and support in their interests and have great relationships with. I never particularly wanted kids but I admit, that would have been fun. You know - something happy to write about in your Christmas Newsletter.

Filed under Parenting, Dec 19, 2007
 

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(can't think of a title that doesn't sound like whining)

You know what really kills me? I get up wake up every morning at 6:30, shower, dress, boot my computer and check my email, go downstairs and fix a school lunch for Derwood, do various chores in the kitchen like empty the dishwasher if necessary and I am back sitting at my computer by 8:00 AM, ready to start a full 9 hour working day. Derwood?s doing well if he manages to drag his ass of bed by 8:00, absolutely exhausted, and exactly what does he do all day? He has a pretty easy life: nothing too taxing to do at school since he's in special ed, has no homework EVER, and he spends the evening playing video games and riding his bike. Yet when I try to wake him up in the morning he acts like I'm dragging him from some sort of sanctuary into a cold cruel world.

This morning he got up way too late even to have breakfast before he left for school on his bike, in the cold and the rain, in spite of my reminding him of the time every 15 minutes. I?m a terrible (step) mother, I am. I should have dragged him out of bed at 7:30 and fixed him a hearty breakfast of hot cereal, bacon and eggs and then driven him to school or something.

I shouldn?t feel so bad though, (speaking of terrible mothers.) The kids were staying at theirs this past weekend as they do on alternate weekends. Lloyd gives us a call on Sunday afternoon and wants to know if his dad can drive him somewhere to return an amplifier his band used for a gig on Friday night. After this errand is completed, Redman drops him off back at his mom?s house, where she and her spouse are sitting on the front porch (in the cold) drinking and smoking. Now, we?ve been known to imbibe a little on the porch on a hot and lazy summer Sunday afternoon, but it?s usually on the back porch, in private. Whatever.

Derwood comes home from Mom?s at 7:00 just as we are just finishing up our supper of steak, home made fries and salad, and he?s still hungry. Apparently all his mother could manage to get on the table for their dinner was a frozen shrimp ring, which he shared with his brother. So we give him a portion of our supper and offer some to Lloyd, who declines. (Of course, later, he wants to be fed too.) Then we learn that for supper on Saturday he had a pizza and a carton of chocolate coated malted milk balls, which he purchased himself with the allowance his maternal grandmother gives him when he visits.

So, what?s up with that? You?ve got your children visiting for the weekend and you can?t manage to have food in the house or fix a meal for them? What?s the matter, too pissed to drive to the grocery store?

Filed under Parenting, Nov 16, 2006
 

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It's the Most Wonderful Time Of the Year!

You know that TV commercial for some office supply store where parents go dancing through the aisles gleefully throwing school supplies into their shopping cart, dragging their manically depressed children after them, while that popular Christmas song plays in the background?

That day is today. And just like the season the commercial compares "Back To School" season to, this morning was not without a certain angst.

We suggested last evening the boys see if their old school binders were still in good enough shape to use at least for the first week. We got a list of needed supplies from Lloyd (a bit late I might add, since we were away all weekend and the stores were closed yesterday, being a statutory holiday and all...) We dug out the cache of supplies we bought last year which were never used, and promised to buy the rest of the items today.

Derwood was asked to clean out his school backpack as he had been using it all summer to carry around a crusty beach towel, a mildewed bathing suit and god knows what else - sticks, rocks, dead animals? consequently there are now two Gundam Wing DVD's and a water pistol (pardon me, "Ninja Launcher") lying on top of the dishwasher. I also asked him last evening to look for his binder and was told it was "in his room". Somewhere. This morning he produces it, pronounces it to be in good shape and finds it full of last year's work. This, at 10 minutes to eight, he proceeds to go through page by page to see if there is anything he wants to keep. I finally tell him, before he's late, "take it all out, put it somewhere safe in your room and look through it later." I know he will never look at it again: I mean, really, did YOU ever keep or look at your old school work after the year was over?

So, summer's over, (almost - we have one more camping trip lined up in two week's time) and it was a pretty good one. Redman and I managed to get in a trip to Windsor to see my Dad, a long weekend camping in August, we spent this past weekend on my brother-in-law's boat (it was cold and rainy though) and my other brother-in-law's trailer, and somehow squeezed in a day at The EX. The weather, except for this past week, has been excellent. I took a few Friday afternoons off also, so I can't complain.

I was so looking forward to having the house empty again, but guess what? Redman is off work now for a few weeks (seasonal layoff.) Ah well, at least the house will get clean now.

Filed under Parenting, Sep 5, 2006
 

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They Grow Up so Quickly

I didn?t really twig when I saw Lloyd carrying the kettle upstairs to the bathroom last night. A few minutes later he re-appeared with it, and asked, ?Which taps in the house have soft water??

Redman answered, ?All of them have soft water except the cold water tap in the kitchen.?

Lloyd wrinkled up his nose a little, and replied ?You can?t make tea with soft water.?

I said, ?So make it with the cold water in the kitchen.? Not remembering that the dishwasher was hooked up. Which he reminded me of.

He decided for the time being he was just going to have to settle for tea made with soft water. Then it struck me. Where the hell did Lloyd learn to make tea?

Filed under Parenting, Mar 1, 2006
 

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Another Snow Day

Now, let?s see. A week ago Wednesday, Derwood had a snow day. Back in school the next day, and then Friday was the start of exam week. Since he?s in a special ed program, no exams for him, so he was home all day every day of Exam Week, which included four days the following week. (Lloyd had three exams, one of which apparently required that he spend the entire weekend at a friend?s house studying.) Then the Thursday following Exam Week was actually a PA day. And then they were back in school on Friday.

Friday was blissfully quiet around here, if strange. No television and computer blaring in the next room. No slumbering teenagers in the house imparting a strange note of suspenseful morning-long hibernation while I toiled away in my office, like they could spring into full blown noisy cereal-scarfing video-game playing mode any second now. After a week of having them both home almost all the time I felt as if something were not quite right when they weren?t there.

And all the disjointed week long, dishes were disappearing to other parts of the house and leaving my cupboards mysteriously empty. Redman found the mother lode of coffee mugs - complete with used tea bags, drinking cups and cereal bowls in Lloyd?s bedroom on Saturday while he was away at his mother?s ? they more than filled a rack in the dishwasher.

And today is another snow day. They?re both home. All day. Again.

I cannot wait for things to get back to normal, when my charges are actually back in school full time, every day, actually learning things, like we?re paying taxes for.

And soon, it?ll be March Break. Sigh.

Filed under Parenting, Feb 6, 2006
 

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