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Uncomfortable Situation

Yesterday Derwood brought a friend home after school and asked if ?Carl? could come over. I said yes, if they were quiet (which they never are so I don?t know why I bother saying this.) The boys came in and I heard voices downstairs. One of the voices sounded awfully mature: adult even. Derwood is 14, his voice hasn?t quite changed yet and although it?s getting deeper, this is definitely not a 14-year-old?s voice I?m hearing. ?Carl? is not a name I?ve heard before. Derwood doesn?t bring a lot of friends around and I know all of them at least by name. Somewhat mystified, I decided to go downstairs and investigate.

Derwood is in the living room and before I can get through the door he grins at me and says ?This is Carl.? Standing in the room is a six-foot-tall-plus very mature looking young man with beard fuzz. I say, ?Hello, um, how old are you??

?18, in Grade 12? is the answer. (Derwood is in Grade 9.) ?OK?, I cautiously reply and set out for the kitchen. So, how do I handle this exactly? Does it seem appropriate for a grade 9 kid - an immature, socially inept, Grade 9 kid to have an 18-year-old friend over?

The boys head upstairs and I get on the phone to Redman and explain the situation. ?What do you want me to do about it??

?Well, could you come over and check it out, please? I?m not comfortable with this.?

A few minutes later Redman comes home and calls Derwood downstairs. He tells him, basically that he can?t have a friend over because his room is messy. ?Besides? I say, ? I think he?s a bit old to be your friend.?

?So you?re kicking him out.? Derwood moans.

?Well, you could play with him outside, or at his house? (whaat??!!) ?or someplace else,? Redman says, ?but I don?t want you having people over when your room is messy?.

Derwood unhappily goes back upstairs, Redman shows me something in the dining room, and meanwhile Carl leaves.

Redman looks up and says, ?Maybe I should talk to this kid? (First smart thing you?ve said so far, buddy!) and heads outside. I go back to my office. A few moments later he comes upstairs and says ?Well, he looks OK,? but I don?t know if he?s talked to him. Then I hear him go into Derwood?s room and tell him, ?Be sure to tell your friend that the only reason you couldn?t have him over is because your room is messy. Once your room is neat, you can have him over? (or words to that effect.)

As he walks past my office door, I give him the are-you-out-of- your-freaking-mind? look. ?What?? ?Do you really think it?s appropriate for a kid Derwood?s age to have a friend who?s 18?? I ask, incredulous. We ask Derwood where he met Carl. ?At school?. he says. ?Is he in regular Grade 12 or Special Ed?? ?Regular.? ?How did you meet him?? ?Through Brian? (Another friend.) This all tells me nothing enlightening.

?I don?t think there?s anything to worry about,? is Redman?s conclusion. I give up on it.

OK, so it seems I have just joined the ranks of paranoid overprotective parents. Why am I the only person in this house who thinks there is something weird about an 18-year-old wanting to hang out with Derwood, when his brother?s own 16-year-old friends can?t stand him? Am I the only one in this family for whom alarm bells are going off? Apparently.

Filed under Parenting, Nov 23, 2005
 

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Comments on this post:

It seem to me that your worried about him and not having any friends but he gets one and you don't approve. I think there's nothing wrong with him hangin' out with someone that is in grade 12.

Comment by - 2005-12-14 10:27:18

 

You must understand this is a YOUNG 14 year old. He has the emotional capacity of a 10 year old. The idea of an 18 year old taking an interest is a tad worrying, to me anyway, thoughI concede it could be perfectly innocent.

Besides he DOES have friends his own age. Where did I say he didn't? I just said he didn't have a lot of them.

Comment by Happy Blogger - 2005-12-15 07:28:40

 
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